


Not Giving Up

by BlueDemon1995



Category: Voltron - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Female pronouns for Pidge, not canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 19:41:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17049386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueDemon1995/pseuds/BlueDemon1995
Summary: Keith realizes a little late how much he loves Katie Holt.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1-Backstory  
Keith is finally home from a Blade mission that was meant to only last 2 weeks. But between problems and more problems, three months later he’s finally back. He couldn’t be happier yet he’s also nervous. He wasn’t able to contact anyone on Voltron, even after communications were allowed again. He knows he screwed up again, and on a more personal level, ya he’s fucked. 

3 months earlier

Keith looks out at the team, “Guys, I know this isn’t the best timing. But this Blade mission can really flush out the remaining Galra forces into the open. Not to mention, this is our first lead on Haggar in a year. We cannot pass this up! But we are a team and I’ve learned my lesson, I won’t go unless we are all in agreement.” He looks at his team and evens out his breathing. 

Everyone is looking at each other, trying to read the room. When unexpectedly, Pidge throws her weight behind Keith’s decision. She doesn’t look at him directly, rather she looks to Shiro, and says, “If Keith thinks this is worth a shot, then I will back him. Sometimes we have to go with our gut instinct regardless of what our intellect says.” 

While Keith is a little annoyed that Pidge basically said she thinks he’s dumb for wanting to do this, she has thrown her weight behind his choice. There’s more arguing and debating but eventually the Paladins agree that he should go and see what he could find out. What makes Keith uncomfortable is the lack of eye contact between him and Pidge. 

Later that day, Keith barges into Pidge’s room and says, “What is going on with you?” I’ve been looking for you all day and I seem to be 2 steps behind you ever since our meeting!”

Pidge replies “I didn’t know that you wanted to see me, after all you only wanted my opinion in the team meeting and you got it. In fact, why are you here? Don’t you have a mission to prepare for?” 

“Seriously, don’t do this. I thought you were ok with this?!?” 

“No Keith, you asked for Pidge the paladin’s opinion…you never asked for Katie the girlfriend’s opinion.” 

Keith makes a move for her arm, (misses) and finally slams the door when she make a move to push him out of her room, replying “I didn’t realize they were two different opinions.”

Pidge glares at him and says “Well, as a paladin I gave you my opinion…with the group which is when I was told about the situation. However, you never said a word yesterday while we were hanging out and relaxing. And if you didn’t realize that there were two different viewpoints, you are seriously more clueless than I previously believed.”

“Stop implying I am stupid!”

He ends up tackling her to the bed and uses his weight to keep her pinned. This doesn’t go over well and Pidge immediately starts to struggle and try to get up. He grabs her arms and puts them over her head, he looks straight at her and says softly, “Look, I’m not used to talking things over with anyone, not even Shiro. I’m not saying that its right but it is why.” Then he lowers his forehead to hers, lets go of her hands and pulls her even closer. She can’t help but soften, she knows he grew up differently then her and his communication skills are sorely lacking. But I guess he’s trying right?

When he starts nuzzling her neck and his hands start to slowly make their way under her shirt she lets him. After all she is going to miss him when he leaves. Since they started this whole dating experience a month ago, they haven’t had to spend any real time apart. She’s gotten used to him barging into the lab where she works, reminding her to eat or just lounging around so she wasn’t alone and realizing she is going to especially miss the closeness she feels when she’s around him. It’s like they can read each other’s minds at times, during a meeting they can share a whole conversation with just an eyebrow raise and shrug. Maybe that’s why her feelings were so hurt when he sprung this mission on her? She knows that their time as friends and comrades has made their relationship jump past the usual initial dating period that most experience. Pidge quickly decides she doesn’t want to spend her last hours with Keith fighting but would rather enjoy it. She wraps her arms tightly around Keith and breathes in his scent. 

Present time

Keith debriefed with a some general or captain. While the information wasn’t what he hoped for after all the problems he is just glad that he is home and they didn’t lose any team members on the trip. He quickly stands after and starts to head out to find Pidge. Acxa grabs his harm and asks if he wants to grab lunch, he quickly shakes his head no and moves on. He doesn’t notice that her smile drops at his shrug or that she stares at him until he’s gone. However, Krolia doesn’t miss a beat. She deliberately crosses her path and mentions to her, “Keith has gone to find Katie, you know the green paladin …his mate. I wouldn’t expect to see him for quite some time.” Feeling like she’s done what she could, she leaves. 

Keith is seriously annoyed. Where the heck is everyone? Finally he finds Matt and grabs his arm. 

“Hey man, I just got back, do you know where Katie is? I tried calling but it goes straight to voicemail.”

Matt turns and practically growls out “Stay away from her! Haven’t you hurt her enough?” Then he shoves Keith back and follows with, “I don’t care if you and Shiro are like brothers, he can keep defending you but I’m through!”

Keith simply stares. What the literal fuck? “What the hell are you talking about? I know the mission went way longer than it should have but, I couldn’t call her, we were on a black out but the minute I got close I tried calling her! I didn’t get through but I sent messages. In fact, I sent messages to everyone! I got nothing!! Did something happen, is she ok??”

Matt stares at him, as if to determine his honesty. Keith stared straight back at him, fists clenched at his sides. Let him look, he has nothing to hide. He felt like he was barely keeping it together. In space, it was easier to put his worries to the side but now that he was back on Earth he was having a hard time keeping it together. 

Matt finally nodded and said, “Pidge was in an accident, she’s in rehab right now. I’ll take you to her. But you will only see her if she wants to.”


	2. Meeting again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith finally sees Pidge and it doesn’t go how he hoped.

Keith swore his heart stopped when Matt said accident. Turns out Katie was in a bad car accident of all things. Since they don’t have the pods she had to heal the old fashioned way. It apparently was pretty bad because she was in a medically induced coma and now she’s in rehab. Keith feels awful that he wasn’t here to help her or take care of her. But he feels like there more that Matt is not telling him. He does not know what it could be but his gut is never wrong. Something is seriously wrong…

Keith and Matt arrive and Matt tells him to wait outside. Pidge should be getting out soon and he wants to ask if she wants to see him. Again, Keith asks him what the hell is going on and why she would not want to see him but Matt only looks at him for a long drawn out moment and then shakes his head. 

Keith is sitting on a bench outside of the physical therapy places thinking maybe he should have stopped and showered or even gotten her some flowers or something. He knows he screwed up, he wasn’t here for her when she needed him. And that really hurts. And while Keith is used to feeling clueless about relationships he just doesn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to see him. He takes a deep breath, texts Shiro and waits.

Later, when Keith reflects on this moment, he can pinpoint this exact moment as when he KNEW without a moment of doubt, he truly and irrevocably Loved Katie Holt. His heart stopped then started again. He took in everything in a second, her face, thinner than before, her arm in a cast and sling, her slight limp, her hair cut shorter than he’s ever seen. He stands abruptly and just takes her all in, his body immediately going into fight or flight mode. She’s wearing a pair of black stretchy pants, with her converse…and an Avengers sweatshirt. Months ago, Pidge made him watch all the Marvel movies and he couldn’t help but smile, she joked if they were going to be super heroes he needed to know how he was supposed to act! And while she was a sight for sore eyes, he could tell she was in pain. He never really understood when someone said they felt someone else’s pain…now he knows. 

He meets Pidge’s gaze, straight on. He knows while he wasn’t here he didn’t do anything wrong. But her gaze was guarded. He could usually tell or at least guess a direction of her thoughts. He was drawing a blank now and it made him very nervous.

Pidge and Matt stopped right in front of him. Matt stood a little in front of her, like he was protecting her. While Keith understood that as her brother that was a natural inclination, he didn’t like feeling that she needed protection from him. He moves forward, eyes on her, and murmurs “Katie, please look at me.”

Her eyes and mine meet and time   
just   
stops.

*************************************************************

Katie, you got this…Looking straight into Keith’s eyes after so long, it actually hurts. I say, “Hey”, (ugh great start) “I’m glad you made it back and are ok. Thanks for checking on me, but everything is fine.”

He looks at me like I’ve grown another head in the past 3 months. “Katie” he moves in and before I can register his movement I’m in his arms. Omg, he feels like home. I can’t help myself, I breathe in his scent, feel his body holding me so warm, strong, and just solid. I just freeze. It’s like the past 3 months never happened. Just for a minute, I take it all in and enjoy the feeling…safe, secure…loved. NO!!! Don’t lie to yourself! You are better than this. I slowly and carefully move out of his arms, I feel them tighten, like he’s not going to let me go…but we both know that is a lie. And above all, I’m through lying to myself.

I take a deep breath and say, “ok, I really can’t do this right now.”

I feel his eyes on me, with that soft look in his eyes, and I want to cave. More than anything I want to dive back into his warm embrace and just pretend the past few months are nothing more than an bad dream. But I’m not. I’ve come too far and I am not going to be one of those weak women. After all, I’m a Paladin of Voltron and a Holt.

I straighten and give Keith a small smile and start to walk away. Keith steps in front of me and says, “No, what the hell is going on? I know that the mission ran long, I’m sorry!! But you have to know, I would have come back if I knew. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I laughed. You have got to be kidding me??? I am not taking responsibility for this fiasco. Temper spiking, I look at him and say “I am not doing this here.”

He replies, “Fine! Let’s go, your place or mine? Because if you think for one minute that this is just over, you are wrong!”

At that moment, James Griffin approaches, and heedless of the tension that surely must be radiating off of us, he walks up to me, casually kisses my cheek and says, “Hey darlin, wanna go home.” I swear the world stopped turning. Even I realize that was not going to go over well!

My mind literally froze…again. 

Keith’s mind stops. What the hell was that?!? Did Griffin just go up to HIS girl and kiss her? Keith reacts instinctively, moving forward and shoving Griffin hard. He then turns, “Katie?” He then feel a hand on his arm and reacts, punching hard. Griffin goes down and then Matt is suddenly between them. He says, “Pidge maybe you and Keith need to have a talk.”

Griffin is up and pushing against Matt. He interjects, “Well he better have amnesia other wise it doesn’t matter what he says. And Keith, that push and punch, consider it a gift, touch me again and you will be on the floor.”

Keith pushes forward, “Well, let’s not stop now.” His face is flushed and eyes are flashing. With fists raised, he only stops when Pidge grabs his arm. 

Matt again interjects, “Pidge, what do you want to do?”  
Katie takes a deep breath, and looks at James, “I’m sorry but obviously Keith and I need to talk some stuff out. Thanks for coming, I’ll text you later ok??”

James moves around Matt, “Katie, are you sure? You don’t have to do this, nor or ever. You just had an exhausting PT session, why don’t we go and relax. IF you want to do this, do it when you have the energy.”

“Thanks James. But obviously we have to resolve some stuff for Voltron and just my peace of mind. I get what you are saying but I think I would just like to do this now.”

“Ok, but you know I’m here for you, right?” James looks so concerned, it actually makes me feel guilty for enjoying and hugging Keith a minute ago. He seriously has been a rock. 

A smile surfaces, “Yeah you pretty much have shown that you’re here for me. And I couldn’t thank you enough.”

“No thanks needed sweetheart.” Wth, what is with all the endearments? He’s actually a lot like Keith and not one for soft touches or words. This is out of the ordinary and not needed right now!

At this point, Keith is almost quivering with the need to punch Griffin. He’s barely holds himself in check and turns to Pidge, and growls, “Well, SWEETHEART, let’s go somewhere and talk.”


	3. the Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Pidge finally talk.

Both are in Pidge’s room. The walk to the apartment was slow and fraught with tension. Pidge kept telling herself, stay calm, stay focused, and just stick to the facts. No emotional outbursts. Pidge honestly didn’t know if this was possible but she had to try, just for her sanity. 

Conversely, Keith couldn’t even calm his thoughts enough to figure out what he feels. He’s overstimulated and he knows that he tends to act without thinking and he doesn’t know if doing this with no sleep is such a great idea. But damned if he is going to allow Pidge to go off with Griffin. As they walked to Katie’s place, he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. His eyes are just tracking her and he can’t even think. He just wants to hold her. It’s literally killing him to see her slowly limping. She wouldn’t let him carry her but he made her give up her bag. 

Both are sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Keith can’t help but think about the last time they were on the couch, wrapped in each other. He felt his heart shudder. He looked at her and he couldn’t stop the words.

“I love you”

She looks up—stunned. They NEVER said the words before. Either of them. Sure she felt it but she didn’t want to scare him. And she always assumed that he wasn’t able to say them. Tears welled in her eyes. She looked at him, and her heart just hurt. She LOVED Keith. James was nice and maybe given time, something could have grown but…Keith. Her sword to her shield…fellow cryptid lover…damn IT.

Keith knows he should have waited. Let her talk but honestly he was scared. Scared she wouldn’t listen, scared he missed his chance. And while on the Blade mission he realized, he wanted this. More than he ever knew. In hindsight, he took this mission because he needed some space. Katie and his relationship moved so fast. They were always teammates and friends. When they got together it was almost too easy. They knew each other’s likes, dislikes and could even seemingly read each other’s mind. But he was uneasy. Relationships didn’t come easy to him and he felt like Katie would realize that she didn’t need him, but rather someone fun like Lance or sweet and smart like Hunk. So he ran. And while on his mission, he came realize that their relationship was just right for both of them. His mom reassured him that in any battle fear can either propel you to greatness or hold you for death. Shit his mom was totally team Pidge. So when they finally saw each other and unknowingly or not, he was the reason for this mess, he impulsively told her what was in his heart. Shit.

He looked at her and saw her eyes fill with tears and there! He saw it…love. It was still there maybe hidden and hurt but it was still there. As long as she still loved him, he had hope. He could fix this!!He leaned forward and his forehead touched hers gently, he took hold of her uninjured hand, and rubbed soothing circles on it. “Pidge, you know me. I’m a lot of things, reckless, impulsive, brash. But I don’t lie. Ever. Please tell me what happened and” gulp “let me tell you what happened on my end, please.”

Katie honestly felt helpless. She just couldn’t say no…what the hell happened??? She swallowed, “Short version…you left. I sent messages that should have gotten to you. I never heard from you but no one did. We assumed it was a communication black out. I was ok with that. But then you should have been home and you weren’t. Then I was worried and still no messages. I tried tracking you but that felt wrong when I could somewhat still feel you through the lions consciousness but nothing solid. Then Shiro heard from you. You were safe, things were dicey but ok. Still no message and I’m not going to lie, it hurt. Around that time, I was helping the pilots with there MFE’s and upgrading tech. I think Lance told Veronica that I was sad, which she must have shared with the team. Suddenly I’m invited to dinners and game nights. Everyone, including James…was nice. Then we get a picture from the Blade of Marmora and in it…” she looks down and whispering she continues “it looked like a victory picture, in the background, you and Acxa were, hugging?kissing?embracing?”

Keith feels a tear hit his hand. “NO!! Never!!” He brings his hand up to her cheek, pulling her gaze to his. “Katie, again, I fucked up by even going on this mission but know this, you are who I love, who I want to be with. At no time, did I ever kiss Acxa!!”

Katie left out a slow breath, “ok, but I didn’t know that at the time, and everyone saw that picture, shit, it was in one of our team meetings! You have no idea, how much that hurt! Everyone looked at me and I had to sit through a meeting, acting like my heart wasn’t breaking. After, I ran out and got in my car for a drive. (Keith takes a sharp breath in) No Keith, you didn’t cause this accident, I’m not an idiot! Unfortunately, a drunk driver hit me and I lost control of the car. I went over some kind of bank and lost consciousness.”

At this point, Keith carefully pulls her into his arms. “I’m so sorry, so sorry.” He’s holding her and pulls her onto his lap, just holding her and letting her cry. Eventually Pidge looks up, and sees that Keith is crying as well. She looks shocked. Keith never cries!

Brokenly, Keith replies, “Katie, I sent you messages. I swear, you can look at my communication devices, I sent messages. I don’t know why they didn’t go out but” he nudges her face up so they gaze into each other’s eyes, “I did send you messages. I swear, and if I knew at any point that you were hurt, I would have been here. I would have gotten back somehow. I did get messages from Shiro but they seemed weird. Like I was missing the conversation or something. But know this, you were always on my mind.”

Pidge lets out a shaky breath. “What happens now?”

Keith replies, with a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth, “I know what I want to happen. And it involves a lot of you and me time.”

Pidge replies, “I broke up with you. After the accident, and no word from you.” She looks down, and softly says, “James has been there for me. He found me when I didn’t come in to work the next day. He got me out of the car, called the police, he has been there for me so much…and he appears interested in a personal relationship,” Keith interrupts with a low growl, “No.” She looks at him and snaps, “You cannot say no.” He replies, “ I never got your message that we broke up. As far as I’m concerned you ARE MINE…just like I…am…YOURS. Please, I don’t think I’ve ever begged for anything after the age of 10…Pidge, I’m begging you. Talk to my mom, look at my communicator, do your thing with research, find the answers! I am not hiding anything from you. But, I’m telling you now, I’m not giving up on us!”


	4. Alliances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs their friends on their side.

They talk and Pidge takes him at his word. She will find out what happened even if it’s just for closure. She gets a notebook and starts to compare timelines. Keith looks at the messages she sent to him. He feels awful. Finally, she asks him to leave so she can think and get some rest. He doesn’t want to leave, in fact, he wants to demand to stay. But she counters, “You’re tired, I’m tired. Let’s each think about all this and call me tomorrow. We will figure out a plan.” 

Keith gets up and kisses Katie, so sweetly it almost makes her cry again. The he ruins it by saying, “Don’t let Griffin in here.” Her head snaps up so quickly he actually takes a step back with his hands up. He quickly leaves. Pidge texts the girls: Allura, Romelle and Veronica. **911 come to my room ASAP** Once they all arrive they order a pizza and as countless women before them, from a multitude of planets before them have done, they talk and analyze the situation-with copious amounts of food and drinks. 

Meanwhile, Keith leaves and texts the boys of the group **Emergency-my room ASAP**Keith arrives home, showers and changes. Shiro arrives first, then Hunk, Lance, Coran and finally Matt. Matt looks at Keith, “Did you mean to invite me?” Keith looks him in the eyes and confidently says “Yep.”

Keith quickly rehashes the conversation with Pidge, reiterating, he wants to be with her and only her. He continues telling them he left his cell and communication device from the Blades with her. Everyone is looking at him with mixed emotions. Obviously the team wants him and Pidge to resolve their issues. But Matt interjects, “What about James?” 

Keith closes his eyes, and replies, “honestly I don’t care about him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful he found Pidge but he’s not going to get her because I give up. Look at me, I love her…”

Then Hunk squeals and everyone looks at him, “What? This is my endgame. I like them together!” 

Lance smirks, “Well, I’m not as excited as Hunk, but as long as you are being honest it sounds like someone set you up. You both deserved to be happy so I’m on board. I don’t have anything against Griffin but I’ve got your back.”

Shiro looks at Keith, and Keith finds himself holding his breath. If Shiro doesn’t believe he should be with Katie, he doesn’t know what he would do. Shiro replies, “I knew something fishy was going on. I’m always on your side.” Keith looks at Shiro and closes his eyes. When he opens them, he can’t say anything he just nods. 

Matt sighs and says, “I always want what’s best for my sister. And I know you don’t lie, so let’s find out who did.”


	5. Filtering the Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do we believe???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!! Who do you want her to be with and who do you think is at fault??

Katie and the girls had a lot of wine and are all in Pidge’s room. The loud knocking on the door super early in the morning is NOT welcome. Pidge doesn’t even move, so Allura stumbles over and rips the door open, growling “This better be good.”

James is standing at the door and takes a step back. “Um hi, Allura. I just wanted to see how Katie is doing. I’m sorry I didn’t realize she had company.”

“Company?!? I’m family!!” Retorts Allura. 

James awkwardly agrees and reiterates, “Can I talk to Katie please?”

Allura closes the door and moves in to wake Pidge. “Honey, Griffin is at the door. What do you want me to tell him?”

Pidge struggles to wake, “um, can you tell him to hang for a sec? I gotta pee and brush my teeth…don’t tell him that though!”

Allura returns to Griffin and tells him to wait, again closing the door and not inviting him in. Pidge finally stumbles to the door and steps in the hallway. “Hey, sorry bout all that. We had a girls night and well, let’s just say, the wine was flowing!”

James moves in for a hug and holds on. Pidge lets him but cannot control her thoughts at this time. She likes James. He’s been so sweet and supportive. But…Keith. She cannot just turn off her feelings even if she wanted to, and after yesterday she is not sure if she wants to. She sighs. This is exactly why she didn’t date. 

James loosens his hold on her and looks down. “So, I’m sorry for just showing up. I just had to know where we stand?”

Pidge takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. “Keith and I talked for a while and obviously I talked to the girls about “ hand waving “everything. Keith said he sent messages and didn’t get anything from me. He also said that Acxa and him are just professional teammates. I don’t like the idea of being manipulated so I am going to look into what happened. As far as us, or Keith” James interjects, “Katie, this isn’t a briefing. Take breath!”

“Sorry, I just feel like no matter what I do someone is getting hurt. I really want to know what happened though. I don’t like the idea of someone manipulating me.”

“I understand. I guess I’m concerned about us. I know that we aren’t even really dating but I gotta be honest with you, that’s my goal. And I know that Keith and I are on opposite ends here but I just wanted you to know that I want you to be happy. I just want it to be with me. I mean, I’ve known Keith a long time and I’m not saying he’s not a good guy. I know you guys went through hell up there. But, I want you to keep an open mind, ok? Don’t fall back to him because it’s the safe option.”

Pidge takes a deep breath and says “Ok, thanks for understanding and for being patient.”

James hugs her tight and softly kisses her lips. “Don’t count me out.”

Shiro happens upon them at this point. He clears his throat and says, “Hey, I’m here to get Allura. Guess you girls had a late night.” Pidge agrees with a laugh.

Now all three of them are awkwardly standing in the hall with Shiro making no effort to move or go into the apartment. James looks at Katie and says, “Ok, I have to get to work but I’ll call you later. Maybe we can get a bite to eat and you can fill me in?”

“Sure thing, call me.”

Shiro raises an eyebrow and looks at Pidge. She sighs for the millionth time this morning. “Hey Shiro” voice suddenly breaking at the end. 

He raises his arms and she dives in. He hugs her tight, and finally she feels some of the tension leave her body and she feels her eyes water. He really gives the best hugs. And right now she just needs to feel like everything is going to be ok…even if it might not be.


	6. Minds are Made Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you give up or fight?

Keith is lying in bed, alone and suddenly feeling very worried. This is not how he imagined his return to Earth would go. In fact, this is not remotely even close. What is he going to do? What happened? How did he get so far off track in his life? When did he even start imagining a life with Pidge? When he left, he needed space. What a joke. If he could only go back and tell himself to never leave. To bind Katie to him in a way that nothing could break them apart. But he couldn’t go back. He was so screwed. 

*Knock, knock, knock*

He refuses to get up.

*Knock, Knock, Knock*

Still nothing. 

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK*

FINALLY he gets up and opens the door. “Hi mom.”

Krolia strides in and slams the door. “What IS going on?” 

Keith flops back into the bed burying his head under the pillow. Where does he even start? She walks into his room, grabs a chair and pulls It near his bed. He’s back at the Garrison in one of the rooms they have and he absently wonders if Griffin is nearby. Fuck. 

“Keith, I’ve heard from other Blades that your Pidgeon was hurt and that another boy has been caring for her. This cannot be right, how did we not hear of this?”

Keith growls lowly and rolls over. “Mom something seriously went wrong.” Then he launches into the whole story. At the conclusion, his voice breaks and he tries to explain how he’s feeling. Finally he just stops. He covers his face with his arm and just tries to regulate his breathing. Nothing is working. He has suffered less at the hands of the enemy.

Krolia however is putting pieces together. She is hesitant to tell Keith that she believes Acxa is at fault here. But she feels like the girl has some designs on her son but nothing concrete. After looking at her son, she decides to investigate further before bringing her suspicions up. If she is wrong, she does not want to implicate the girl. If she is right, that is for his mate to determine the punishment (with some careful direction from her). Right now she needs to focus on him and how he is feeling. It is time for her to be his mother.

“Keith, look at me. What do you want to happen?”

“I love Katie, more than anything. But mom, I really messed things up and she…she…deserves the best. And Griffin, mom, he is the best, he was the best student in our class, he always said the right thing and made the right choices. Teachers loved him, everyone knew he was going to be someone amazing. When Shiro came to test us for pilots, the teacher recommended him and …and then there’s me… stealing, fighting, arguing…mom, what if she is supposed to be with Griffin?”

Krolia feels her heart breaking. After everything, how could her son still doubt himself so much? She has failed him but NO more. His father was a great man. He knew how to risk everything for what he loved. She had risked everything and unfortunately it didn’t work in the end. But not for her boy. He will get this happy ever after that she has heard about, that earthlings write stories of.

“Keith, do you really think this Griffin is the ‘best’? Did the red lion not choose you? Did you not put your team over your own desires? Did you not put yourself in danger to save the many?”

“Well, yeah, but…so did she. Green chose her~She ultimately chose us before she looked for her family~She saved me! And I’m not the funny one, or the smart one, or the good one, or even the kind one…I’m the angry one, the brash one…the MULLET one. She deserves the best and the brightest, and I honestly don’t think I’m it. Maybe this is fate saying, back off and let her”

“NO!!!! You are the passionate one, the brave one, the ok, I cannot fix the hair but that can be cut! YOU are the best and the brightest and I am so sorry that you do not see that!! But you are also Galra. And Galra do not quit, we do not forfeit, we not give up. And if this girl is yours, we do what we must. We fight. We persevere. We continue. Because I can tell you, this special person, this love, is not easily replicated. I loved you and your father. There is no other so if you have this chance this opportunity, do not give up. Do not yield!”

Keith looked up and really looked at his mom. It was this moment that he realized he was not some accident or some mistake, but he came from love. The love he used to think was fake or made up. The whole fairy tale thing wasn’t real but love was. His dad loved his mom and he never found another. 

“Do you think… I’m really fit to be…hers?” Keith haltingly asked.

Krolia looked at him and stated, confidently, “Yes.”

Keith smiled and said “Thanks.” Tears in his eyes he stated, “I’m not giving up!”

 

Pidge on the other hand decided to do what she does best. Follow the data. She looked at all of Keith’s and her own electronic devices and started to follow the trail. She hit a bump and started to get aggravated when the incessant knocking finally registered. She got up and opened her door to find Hunk. He smiled and waved peanut butter cookies in her face, with the sweetest smile. 

“Hey, so I thought you might need some help and I know how you get so I also brought you food!”

Pidge inhaled that sweet sweet smell and sighed. “Did Keith send you?”

“NOOOOOO. Pidge, you know that I’m your friend as well right? In fact, first.”

Pidge smiled and said, “How could I forget.” She hugged him (sneakily, grabbing the cookies) and pulled him into her room.

As they got comfy, Hunk couldn’t help but ask, “So, what the hell happened?!?”

Pidge froze, “I don’t know. But I promise you I will find out.” 

Hunk shuddered for a moment cuz an angry Pidge is scary as hell, then smiled and returned, “There was never any doubt. Let’s get to work! Tell me what you need.” While Pidge was scary, he was not marshmallow either. NO ONE messed with his friends. He would help them and pity to whoever was at fault. 

Pidge looked at Hunk and felt a moment of peace. If her friends can save the universe, this was in the bag!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and thanks for support. I hope you like this chapter and continue reading. Please comment if you like it so I know if I should keep going!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends are the best!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this new chapter. I’m still not sure if I like where it’s going. Let me know your thoughts!!! Work and life has been insane lately so sorry for not updating as much as I would like!

Pidge and Hunk were working at a furious pace. What started as a few tugs, after some hard pulling transformed into more and more. In fact it was looking the whole situation was being manipulated from outside of the ship. In addition, they were analyzing the picture that had Acxa and Keith hugging. Hunk took that one on because he didn’t want Pidge to have to constantly stare at the picture. But as he started to analyze he noticed many inconsistencies, blurring around the edges of the images, halos around certain elements but the big clue was in the picture Keith was missing the sheath that Pidge made for him. He never took that off. These all added up to making him think that they picture was photoshopped. Once he was sure he brought it to Pidge’s attention and held his breath. 

Pidge turned and stared. She tried to be unemotional and rational. Turning over the new information and matching it with what she knew as well as the timeline. She stared, analyzed and slowly let her breath out. She looked at Hunk, tears filling her eyes and smiled. 

“Thanks, Hunk” she said softly. 

“No, no, no thanks necessary.” Hunk replied. “Honestly, I wish we thought to look deeper before this. But, everything just snowballed so fast. We didn’t have time to take it in much less question. We saw the picture, you got hurt and, I was just so scared. I couldn’t lose you!”

Pidge looks over to Hunk. He is such a sweetie. I knew I was having a hard time dealing with my feelings of hurt and then the ramifications of the accident. The team was wonderful with supporting me. But I don’t think I realized how much it affected them as well. Especially someone like Hunk, who feels things deeply and isn’t afraid of being speaking his truth.

“Hey, how are you doing, ya know with everything? Sorry I haven’t been as good as a friend lately.” 

Hunk looked torn, “No, please don’t worry! And definitely don’t apologize, you’ve had a lot on your plate. I don’t know. You know that I always have your back, right? But Keith just looked so damn sad. I don’t want to take sides, really, and I know that James has been great. I’ll be forever grateful that he found you and that he helped you out. Believe me! And don’t get all Pidge angry, but Keith really loves you, ya know? I know he has a hard time letting down his guard but he does. Please don’t doubt it. And while, I hate to take sides, but if Keith truly didn’t know what was happening that’s really shady. But”

Pidge sighs, “ I know Hunk, I know. I feel like there is more going on here than what is apparent but I also don’t know how much is influenced by my emotions versus fact. I’m trying to look at this from an analytical perspective. I’m torn.”

Hunk looks sad, but agrees. “How did the girls night go? What do they think?”

Pidge smiles softly, “Dude, they have no clue. We did eat and drink a lot! It felt nice to be surrounded by girls who have my back. You know that I never really had girlfriends. I’m more of a loner, a read in her bed and tinker at home kinds of girl. Now I find myself surrounded by girls who don’t get mad when I’m sarcastic or moody…or even sad. They aren’t friends with me because I’m smart and can help them….but anyways did you know that Lance’s bedtime routine takes approximately an hour!!! That’s why he liked to push us off to bed!!! Ummmm, but honestly, how has this affected Shiro and Matt? They are best buds and I know Matt was ummm, upset.”

Hunk laughed, “Yeah, well, Keith knows the way to your heart. Sooooo, he asked Matt over when he explained his side. Honestly we just want the best for you.” At this point, Hunk is almost crying and he lunges for Pidge and holds her, squeezing her tight. 

Pidge knows he loves her and for now, that is enough. 

!!!!!

Griffin looks to his team. “What do you think I should do?” 

Kincade looks uncomfortable and says “I honestly have no clue. Keith is her teammate turned love interest. I don’t know how you can compete? Don’t take it personally.”

Veronica replies, “Do you love her?”

Silence….

“I could”

Veronica slaps her hand on the table, “NO! Not good enough, not for Pidge. I get it, you like her, she’s smart, wicked smart, brave, cute, sarcastic, sweet and surprisingly innocent etc. But if you don’t love her, it’s not enough. Shit I love her!!! And I know Keith loves her. So if you don’t love her, you gotta let her go.”

“But I could love her! It wouldn’t be a far jump, honestly I’m almost there. If he came back a few months later, who knows where we would have been. And Keith is not a stable guy, she should have someone who is there for her. I’m that guy!”

Veronica sighs, “yeah, yeah, yeah, you could be. But right now you aren’t there. And know who is? Keith! Right now, shit, he’d do anything, fight anyone, kill anyone to be at her side. And that’s what SHE deserves.”

Kincade blurts out, “Dude she a scary woman. Smart but scary. Plus, I think Keith has her family on his side…and you don’t mess with the Holt family.”

Griffin shakes his head, “NO, it’s not like Chief Engineer Holt would tamper with me because of Pidge. I don’t give up, and she’s worth more than just throwing in the towel. So maybe I don’t love her right now, but I’m not just bowing out. We are more than just friends and I really care about her. Why should I just give up? Step aside for Keith? I don’t see him stepping aside. Veronica, you’re right, maybe I’m not in love but I feel something very real.”

Ina chimes in, “Statistically, men fall in love faster than women so I doubt that Pidge loves you yet. “

Nadia interrupts, “Ok Ina, I think we all know that love is not a perfect science. Look James, we all love how things have been with you and Pidge. It seemed very natural and easy. But with Keith back and in direct competition with you, the game has changed. Just be prepared because Pidge cannot control her emotions in this, as much as she would like to.”

James nodded and with a determined gleam says, “I know.”

James is sitting alone, all of his team has drifted off, his head down on his arms. Veronica is right, Katie is something special. She deserves everything, love, affection, and commitment. Can I promise her forever? Do I love her? I don’t know. But I know that I have deep feelings for her, this wasn’t something I was looking for. We started out as friends. She hung out with the team and I found myself amazed at her ingenuity and her genuineness. I’ve never met someone who was so unaware of their attractiveness or didn’t chase him like he was a prize. She didn’t dismiss him because he wasn’t as smart as her and she didn’t like him because he was the top guy. He wasn’t looking for this, but damn if he was going to turn away.


	8. Ch 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one knows what to do...but everyone is worrying!

1-day later/Conference room-Garrison Earth

Keith and Shiro were whispering near the open door. The meeting was slated to start in 15 minutes and Pidge still hasn’t shown up. While she is known for being late more than not, Keith is feeling tense. He was dressed in his Garrison uniform with his blade in the sheath Pidge got him on his leg. He kept tapping it, as if this connection could reinforce their relationship. He worried that he hadn’t talked directly to Pidge but rather only communicated through text. It just wasn’t the same. This wasn’t the homecoming he had dreamt about.

Not to mention he wasn’t great at reading people and trying to read someone’s written words was freaking impossible. He struggled to type his thoughts when what he really wanted to ask was if she had seen Griffin… but he didn’t want to piss her off. He didn’t know what she found and while he knew the truth he was worried she was not going to find any hard evidence. And Pidge needed hard evidence. Instead, he sent her a few texts reminding her to eat, telling her to sleep and reminding her that she is supposed to wear the uniform. Shit. Definitely not romantic but he wasn’t any good at this. Where were Hunk and Lance, when he needed back up and advice! Kolivan was just not going to cut it in this situation. Kolivan, who liked his mother for years, and is no closer to a relationship. No thanks!

Shiro grabbed Keith’s shoulder and leaned in, “Keith, I need you to stay calm and focused. Hot headed Keith is not going to save the day here. I need controlled and mature Keith because I just got word that Griffin’s team is going to be present as well.” 

Keith tensed. Hands clenched. He stood taller and eyes flashed. Krolia’s hand clamped on his shoulder, “Keith, stop. This isn’t a battle of the body but rather of the mind and heart. This isn’t something to win, it’s something NOT to lose.”

Keith closes his eyes and nods slowly. Okay, he can do this. He feels a hand ruffle his hair and smiles, opening his eyes. Only to look into Acza’s face. She’s smiling and greets him. 

“Keith, I heard about you and the Green Paladin. I’m sure it is for the best. You and she have different paths and yours is with the Marmora.”

Keith interrupts, shaking his head decisively, “No you misheard. There was a miscommunication and some misunderstandings. We are still working things out.”

Acxa replies, “Oh, I thought she was with the leader of the MFE pilots.” She nods and continues, “I was hoping we could talk after the meeting, would lunch work?” 

At that exact moment Keith was aware of two things, Griffin and his team had arrived and heard Acxa ask him to lunch, and he knew Pidge was close. It’s like he had an extra sense when she was concerned. He looked around and could just barely glimpse her behind Hunk and Lance as they walked down the hall, Pidge with her arms full carrying a laptop, cords and Cosmo??? Yes, there he was was strutting next to her, with her back back strap hanging from his mouth. And, the first thing that went through Keith’s mind was if Cosmo was with her, there’s no way Griffin was. Yes! This caused a small smirk to grace his face which unfortunate for him. 

He looked into Pidge’s eyes, only to see her frowning. He paused until he realized Acxa was a little too close and then he imagined how he would feel if the situation was reversed. He took a step around, towards Pidge, heart pounding and mouth dry.

Pidge was running late, of course. She ended up staying at her parents because she needed space and comfort. Unfortunately that meant her commute was longer and for some reason her parents did not wake her when they left. Or maybe they did and she just fell back asleep. Yeah it was probably that. Thank goodness, Hunk and Lance showed up with coffee and cookies, making sure she was up and here on time. She slept for shit and really who could blame her. Her life has been a mess for the last three months. Thank the stars for Cosmo and Bae Bae. Their antics helped keep her in the moment. But now, there’s Keith close to Acxa with that smirk that makes her heart flutter. Fuck!

Keith sees her and smiles, while she cannot help but frown. Was he so confident that he had her that he would flaunt their relationship in front of her. What the hell?!? James sees her and waves, “Katie, do you want me to save you a seat?”

She sees Keith frown and wants to say yes just to hurt him. But ultimately she can’t. She shakes her head and says “No, thanks though, I’m kinda presenting.”

James nods and continues, “I understand. We are going to take our seats and get ready. Let me know if you need anything.” 

“Sure thing” she replied. Pidge tries to go in, without addressing Keith but he steps in front of her and lightly grasps her arm. She frowns and tugs her arm. “I’m already late, I gotta get set up.”

Keith sighs and says, “Yeah, ok, I’m really looking forward to your findings. Can we talk after, maybe grab some lunch?”

Acxa huffs and walks in the room, Keith not even noticing. But Pidge cannot help but notice he didn’t notice. Shit, she’s in a freaking soap opera or some telenovela that Lance watches. Pidge knows she annoyed but still wants to see Keith. She abruptly nods and walks in the room. 

Smack! Keith turns to see his mom frowning, “Keith, don’t mess this up!” Before marching in the room. Shiro, hunk and Lance all concur with Shiro adding, “Can you keep your distance from Acxa for now?”

Hunk and Pidge were at the front of the huge conference table, with additional seats around the circumference of the room. Screens were pulled up showing various data, with the occasional flashing lights. On one side of the table, sat the Paladins along with a few select Marmora including Krolia and Acxa. On the other side of the table, sat Griffin’s team along with the Garrison’s commanding officers. Around the room, sat various department chairs along with Pidge’s mom and Matt. Shiro stood at the front and called the meeting. Pidge stood up and started using a laser pointer. The devil was in the details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this! Work is crazy and I have too many ideas and not enough time! Love to hear your thoughts!!


	9. Developments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a spy and not people are dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this latest installment. Feedback is much appreciated!!!!!

Pidge POV

Ok, take a deep breath and slowly release. I really hate when I have to dumb down the talks for the higher ups. Seriously, either just say ok to whatever I’m saying or be smarter. At least when I talk to the team they nod their heads like they know what I’m talking about or they say yes that sounds right. Ugh. At this point I have zero patience and I just want to find the assholes who turned my life into a three ring circus.

But instead of being mad, I’m doing what my dad wants and trying to explain why Hunk and I believe that multiple messages were being intercepted and changed outside of the Blades network. This was scary stuff because the Blades are much more advanced than we are here on Earth. And if we cannot trust our communications we are so screwed. I personally feel that this reads as a test but I’m not supposed to tell the head honchos what to think. Whatever, I’ll drag them to my way of thinking if I have to. After all, we have a war to win. I nod to Hunk.

Hunk starts his part of the speech, looking uncomfortable until he sees Shiro nodding his head reassuringly. Then he too takes a deep breath and starts to run off the support he found for our hypothesis. As he’s talking I’m controlling the screens, essentially painting a picture for them to follow. I know this is being obvious but seriously this is the Garrison we are talking about. Denial is thy name. And we haven’t even come to the worst part yet…there is an unknown inside man or woman in the Blade who had to have helped.

Post Meeting

There’s a definite aura of gloom in the room. Blade members are in the corner contemplating a spy in their mist. Honestly they aren’t even surprised, it’s a reasonable move especially considering how many spies the Blade currently have in place. Garrison staff are in another corner, trying to make sense of the information coming their way. The discussion here is more heated and argumentative. And finally there’s the Paladins.

Lance is congratulating Pidge and Hunk on their quick work and easy to understand explanations. Keith quickly leaves the Blade group and comes to the Paladins, trying to quickly take notice of Pidge’s appearance without it seeming like he is. She looks tired and out of sorts. Usually when she’s showing up people she has a glow about her. But now, she looks kinda pale and tired. But then as he takes in the larger picture he notices that Lance is standing too close and he finds himself annoyed. He knows he’s being stupid but he cannot help the feelings of anger and jealousy. For some reason, when Hunk takes care of her it’s ok. Hunk is the the bedrock of care and concern. But when Lance does it, it makes him feel out of sorts and…lacking. Lance has no problem showing his emotions. He’s currently smiling at Pidge, probably trying to coax a laugh out of her, his arm comfortably slung around her shoulders, and his fingers playing with hers. All of this makes Keith feel like he’s being replaced. 

Replaced. That’s probably the crux of this. He left, leaving Pidge. Whether that was his intention or not, it’s what happened. And he’s truly not comfortable with the people who have stepped up into the role he just realized he wanted, no needed. He wanted Pidge to lean on him, ask him for help, and more accurately he NEEDED for her to need him. And knowing that when he was gone, she found someone (and let’s be honest multiple someone’s) to replace him, was killing him and completely fucking with his head. He hadn’t found someone who did that for him and he was not happy that she did. Unwittingly or not.

He knew he was being unreasonable but Pidge, Katie Holt, was his. And right now, more than the mission, more than winning this God forsaken war, he needed her to agree. To want him. Flaws and all. Because Katie wasn’t perfect. She was annoying, conceited, a freaking genius and yet unsure, beautiful and rash. When Shiro talked about yin and yang, he can’t help but think that he meant Pidge and him. But this only works if she feels the same way. And with Katie, he couldn’t be sure that emotions would win over intellect. He knew he wasn’t necessarily the smart choice. Hell, he could pretty much guarantee he wasn’t. But he still wanted her to make it. Needed, yearned for it in a way that he was not used to. 

Keith walks up to the group. 

“Hey, great presentation guys. The Blades are convinced that you’re right, for what’s it worth.”

Hunk replied first, “Thanks man. We didn’t want to make anyone mad but there’s no way there wasn’t an inside man.”

“Or woman” replied Allura. Shiro gave her a head shake and look, which she ignored.

“Or woman” replied Keith. 

He turned to Pidge, “Still up for lunch?” 

Pidge started but then quickly replied, “Sure.”

At that moment, Acxa and Griffin both approached from opposite sides. Keith lunged for Pidge’s hand and pulled her towards him, eyes on Griffin. Pidge similarly was looking at Acxa and noticed her frown when Keith touched her. Pidge being Pidge decided to say something. 

“Hey Acxa, can we talk?”

Silence. Everyone seemed to freeze and Keith unconsciously moved closer to Pidge. Krolia looked interested and seemed to fight a smile, as well as Mrs. Holt. Pidge moved out from Keith’s hand and motioned for Acxa to follow her to the hall. 

Pidge started, “Look, I may be mistaken but it seems as if you like Keith. But from Keith’s actions and what he has told me, he is not interested. That said, I realize that my observations may be skewed based on my feelings etc. So, I am asking you what is going on, from your perspective.”

Acxa measures Pidge up carefully. While she knew the Green Paladin was smart she didn’t realize she was so straight forward. It was actually refreshing. She would return the favor.

Acxa carefully responded, “Yes, it is true that I believe Keith would make a strong mate. We are evenly matched and he has saved my life and I his. We share similar goals and our work with the Blades have brought us in close contact thus fortifying a bond. We both understand hardship and would make strong kits when the time comes.”

Pidge wondered if Acxa actually liked Keith or if he just checked all the boxes? She didn’t want to offend Acxa especially when she didn’t really understand Galra dating/mating habits. And, if she was being honest, there was always a little insecure part of her that saw all the points Acxa made and wondered if she was holding Keith back by being with him. Was she just being selfish? Did she add to Keith versus just being dead weight? And wasn’t it hypocritical of her to want Acxa to back off while James is still in the picture? 

She wasn’t one to play it safe and Griffin was the safe bet. But she couldn’t deny, Keith was perhaps what she really wanted, deep down. And right now she knew that something was holding her back and she should figure it out. But Pidge realized that she was pretty selfish and was not going to just step back and be the bigger person. Maybe she wasn’t Keith’s equal in fighting but she could and would protect him and love him. She wanted him to not just be a strong mate but be happy and have fun. She didn’t see that happening if Keith was with Acxa.

Pidge nodded and said “Of course. Well, by your measure, I also believe Keith would make a strong *cough* mate. He has saved my life and I in turn have saved his. I also believe we share similar goals and while his work with the Blades is not something we have in common, our bond as Paladins is strong. Do you see?”

Acxa nodded. While she knew Keith was stronger than the Green Paladin, she did understand that she was extremely smart and ingenious. She replied, “I do see. We can take some time for Keith to properly evaluate and you can also determine if you wish to mate with Keith or the MFE pilot, Griffin.”

Pidge turned red. “Um, let’s not say mate, that has a different connotation here on Earth. Let’s just say that everyone will evaluate their feelings by dating and leave it at that. I mean, we are in the middle of a war, and we need to have priorities.”

Acxa immediately nodded. “You are correct.” She nodded satisfied and then walked back into the conference room. 

Shit Pidge thought. What the hell has she started???


	10. Going On Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you gotta take a leap!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so long in coming and short! Just hit spring break and going on a road trip. Hope to carve some writing time! Please like and comment!!

Pidge was still standing outside in the conference room in shock when Keith came out. He looked at her, grabbed her hand and muttered, “Lunch” essentially dragging her along. 

As they moved up to street level, Pidge finally said “Enough, I can’t walk as fast as you!” She jerks her hand out of his and stops to rub her leg. She hates not being 100% but what’s a girl to do.

Keith stops as well and turns, realizing he actually was hurting her. “I’m sorry, really. (Sigh) I just want some time with you, alone, without everyone else butting in. (Voice breaking) I miss us.”

Pidge sighs as well. “I miss us too. But I’m not sure how much of an ‘us’ there is anymore. So much has happened, maybe this is one of those times where we just have to accept our time has passed.” 

Keith feels his heart stop and stutter. No, no. His gut is literally twisting in his body. This can’t be happening. He feels like his mouth has too much saliva and he wants to throw up. She can’t mean that. She just can’t. He tries to control his breathing, and ultimately goes to his knees, holding her, his head nestled on her stomach and he feels a drip. He looks up, to see her eyes filled with tears. 

His body starts to stabilize and he thinks, she must have feelings for him because Pidge doesn’t cry. His body sags and he holds even tighter. He can fix this. He can. He must. 

Pidge can’t help the tears. She loves this guy and he thinks he wants her. But what happens when Axca comes and he realizes she’s the better bet? It’s just better to walk away first. Don’t get caught up, because she doesn’t know if she can survive again if he leaves.

They hold tight and try to find their balance. Finally Keith stands and places his forehead against hers. He looks into her eyes and says, “Katie, I know you have lost a little bit of faith in me. And I know you don’t entirely trust me right now. But, I’m here, telling you, YOU can, you SHOULD. In fact, I need you to. (Almost inaudibly) Please.”

Keith looks into Pidge’s eyes, and tries to show her how much she means to him. Her sigh tells him he gained a stay of execution. She closes her eyes, and slowly nods. Keith actually felt his stomach settle and felt his heart find it’s rhythm. He swallows and takes a deep breath. “Lunch?”

She can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, lunch.”

The she realizes they have quite a crowd around them. She feels her face blush and bites her lip. She hates so many eyes on her but she can’t help but be happy that Keith is trying so hard for them. She often feared, especially during those long months that he didn’t care.


	11. Why This Guy?/Definitely This Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PIdge and Keith have different thoughts about their reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I’m thinking I may wrap this one up on 4 chapters...hope you like and please leave a comment if you can!

Lunch was nice. Both fell back into the routine of good friends and lovers almost too easily. Stealing fries, sharing bites of their meals, knees brushing under the table all felt so right. They lingered over their meals even getting dessert to make it stretch. Keith told Pidge about the last three months but more. He talked about his worries, his thoughts and eventually his feelings. Pidge opened up about the accident, her recovery and some of her worries. By the end of their 3 hour lunch they were holding hands and Keith felt like he could finally breathe again. As they stepped out of the pub, both hesitated, not wanting this time to end, each secretly afraid that if they left each other something else would happen. Like before.

Pidge impulsively grabbed Keith’s arm and said, “Come over, just for a bit…um, if you want,… unless you have…”

Keith shakes his head in the negative causing Pidge a moment of panic. Then he blurts, “I don’t have anything planned. I’d love be by, I mean come by. Let’s walk back to your place unless… your leg hurts. Yeah that’s not a great idea. Sorry, we can call for a ride.”

Pidge smiles and says, “No, no—exercise is good for me. Ha, yeah, okay let’s walk.”

As they make their way back to her place, their hands once again are entwined and they both feel like this is what is meant to be. About half way there, Pidge feels her leg acting up and she regretfully pulls Keith to the side. “Hey, sorry Keith, but we may have to call for a ride, I don’t think I can make it all the way back.” She bends down to rub her leg, feeling inadequate.

Keith moves closer to Pidge and says, “Don’t apologize!! It’s fine, but I can give ya a ride, you know, if you want.” He arches his brow at her and waits for her response.

Pidge laughs, “Keith, I know I’m small but I weigh more than when we first got back! It’s still roughly still a mile back.”

Keith moves even closer, “Pidge, I could carry you for days, a mile is nothing.” He wraps his arms around her pulling her into his embrace. He doesn’t even say anything for a moment, rather just savors this closeness. He finally leans in and whispers directly in her ear, “Trust me.”

Pidge relished his arms around her and closed her eyes, leaning her head on his shoulder. She wishes she could just freeze this moment, this feeling, so she could take it out and examine it more closely later, when she could think clearly. She just wants to figure out what it is about this man that makes her feel so deeply. Why Keith, why not James, or for that matter any of the other guys that have hit on her since she’s been home? Honestly, seems as if it has always been Keith. The guy who didn’t hesitate to challenge her, protect her and fight at her side. With these thoughts racing through her head, she nodded and said, “Yeah, ok, let’s do this.”

Keith grins in her hair and squeezes her once. Then he turns around and squats so she can climb on his back for a piggy back ride. As he walks they eventually sink into a comfortable silence, his footsteps essentially the only thing that can be heard clearly. Looking around he focuses instead on the rebuilding effort around him— seeing how so many species were working together to create a new home. 

As he observes he recognizes, this is just one of the hundred things he loves about Pidge. Comfortable silences. Acceptance. Peace. He feels content and he doesn’t take it for granted. His mind can drift off and he knows hers is too. There are so few people he can let his guard down around and Pidge has always been one of them. Now if he can just get her back completely and irrevocably. Because he needs forever.

Problem 1: He knows she is concerned about Acxa but he doesn’t understand why. Sure they get along but it’s not like this. There is no safety, laughing or relaxing. And to be quite honest, no sexual chemistry, at least on his part. He’s found that he’s partial to hazel eyes framed by caramel lashes, a devilish grin and smart ass comments. Sure girls and aliens have been interested but he just didn’t feel it. But with Pidge…he was in turmoil. 

How he make her reciprocate??? How could he guarantee it?

Problem 2: Quizacking Griffin. He’s not one to quit and while he can be thankful for his well timed rescue…just no, nothing more than that. Not a chance. SO he needed to be sure that Pidge didn’t fall for him. Which means he needs to make sure their time is nonexistent. He feels slightly better with a plan in place but there were too many variables. 

When they finally arrive at the complex, he asks she moved from the Garrison barracks to the housing complex just outside of Garrison property. Pidge sighs and says that her dad had her move so there were less stairs due to her injury. First floor accommodations were hard to come by in the Garrison. He nods and puts her down upon arrival to her apartment. He looks over and nudges her shoulder. “Keys?”

She hands them over without a thought when they hear her name being called, “Katie?”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movement broken and reality sets in

It’s her dad. Crap. There goes his ideas of trying to finesse his way back into her bed. Not that was the priority but he was counting on their physical connection to help his case. Slowly, he nods at Mr. Holt and says hi.

Pidge, on the other hand, looks at her dad and inwardly groans. Out loud she says, “Hey dad, what’cha doing here?”

She feels like he knew she was with Keith and was here on purpose. However her dad states, “Sorry, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. You really need to keep your communicator charged.”

She guiltily looks down, pulling out her comm…to see it’s totally dead. Oops! “Sorry dad! What’s going on?” 

“The Blades think they know who the spy is. We need you to set a trap.”

Keith shakes his head in the negative. “No, she’s hurt.”

Pidge turns and looks at Keith, “Excuse me! I’m stronger than you think.”

Then Mr. Holt interrupts before things can go further saying, “I said trap not bait. Do you honestly I think I would put her in danger, now?”

Keith falters, then shakes his head, “Sorry sir, it’s just that I realize now that caution is not always a bad thing.”

Mr. Holt agrees and asks both of them if they can come to the base. Pidge quickly agrees and stating she needs to pull a more things from her apartment. As Pidge goes inside, Keith is left outside with Mr. Holt. This is probably the most award silence Keith has experienced…which is saying a lot. 

Keith finally turns to Mr. Holt, and with a deep breath, states, “Sir, can I just say, I’m sorry. I love Katie, really I always have. But, it’s really not something I have a lot of experience with. So I pretty much fucked that up. But I want you to know, I’m just probably going to fuck up again. Shit, not on purpose or anything. Just with me being stupid. God, this sounds bad, anyway I know I don’t have a lot of time before Pidge gets back. But I just wanted you to know, I’d never do anything to hurt her on purpose. I “

A chuckle starts, then a full laugh. “Boy, if I didn’t already know this, do you think I would have let you go around with her? Do you think I could ever have stopped COLLEEN from keeping you away from Katie?? No. There’s nothing that would have stopped Colleen. Look, we know that relationships are hard. We’re married aren’t we? I’m actually on your side here. But I’m not going to tell her what to do. Katie knows what she needs. And once she let’s you in on it, it’s up to you to follow through. But, a piece of advice, don’t let her stew. Once she stews, she second guesses herself and gets in her on head.”

Pidge comes out of her apartment with three bags. Each man reaches for one and she ultimately gives them up without a thought. She locks her door and they go, this time with Pidge walking. She does not think her dad wants to see her being carried around. (Let’s not mention the moment when her dad asked her if she needed him to carry her!) When they get to the boardroom, it appears that Garrison personnel were not invited-rather only Voltron and Blade members. 

Pidge sees Acxa in the room and asks for a moment. Her dad looks concerned but ultimately agrees. She takes a breath and pulls Keith into the hall to let him know about her interest in him and their agreement. To say he was displeased, is an quite an understatement. But what’s a girl to do. She NEEDS Keith to really compare. Otherwise she will always wonder. It’s better to know now than later. No regrets.

They walk into the meeting and Pidge is instantly inundated with questions about tech and how to set up a trap using frequencies and secret messages. She has to put Keith out of her mind and focus on the problem at hand. This is her thing and she needs to be good at it. 

Whereas Keith isn’t happy but he knows that’s more to do with her still ‘dating’ Griffin. How the hell is he going to change her mind. He realizes he may need help and looks at Lance. Shit, this is what his world has come to. Yes, they are friends. But, to ask for advice. About love. Katie?!? 

Ugh.

He can feel Lance’s stare at him, then Pidge and he sees Lance filtering through possible scenarios. He assumes that Lance can tell that they are in a different place than this morning. But of course, Pidge is getting to work pretty quickly, creating a back door of sorts so they can find the actual traitor. They pretty much tune out at his time and Keith quietly goes to Lance and Hunk to try to get some advice. He can see Shiro trying to divide his attention but that’s not going to work. 

All the while Acxa is staring at him and he is starting to feel uncomfortable. What should he do?

Lance suggests staying close to Pidge to let everyone know he’s still interested in her and only her. Hunk says he should keep reassuring Pidge of their connection, whatever that means. So he hedges his bets and sits on Voltron’s side keeping his eyes off Acxa. He can feel his mom’s gaze and wishes he could just make an announcement. I love Katie/Pidge. But he can’t because she has agreed to ‘date”. 

And basically agreed on his behalf. His life has seriously taken a turn for the worse and he cannot even blame anyone but himself. If only he never left. IF ONLY HE TALKED TO PIDGE BEFOREHAND. Or what if Pidge came with?!? 

Finally, the meeting is over until someone takes the bait. He keeps his eyes trained on Pidge but she’s got so many people vying for her attention and expertise, he knows he has to wait them out. Unfortunately Acxa comes up to him and requests a minute. He can see Lance vehemently shaking his head but really, he has to. He nods and they walk outside the room. He catches Pidge’s eyes but she quickly averts her gaze. Shit. Maybe he should’ve listened to Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, I wanted a chapter to explore what Katie’s parents felt or thought. Not to mention the insecurity that can plague a relationship! Hope you enjoy!


	13. Fate and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge’s POV along with a side of mom’s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all!!! Hope you guys like this chapter, please let me know your thoughts!!!

Pidge glances up and sees Acxa and Keith head outside of the room. Her breath hitches and she desperately wants to stop them. She closes her eyes briefly, because in her head she can even imagine it. She shouts “No”, stalks over to Keith and claims him as her own; he (of course) declares his love and BOOM, they are committed and everything just falls into place. Unfortunately life isn’t so easy and she knows this better than most. So when she opens her eyes she doesn’t say anything. In fact, she knows she cannot. After all it was her own agreement with Acxa that opened this door. And now she has to see them walk out and remain quiet, while her heart silently bleeds and her hope falters. Again she has to trust in fate and she’s such a fickle bitch. 

This freaking sucks!! Hunk is doing his best to answer questions and is trying not to put her on the spot. I know he’s giving me time to process and see how I am going to proceed. And ultimately I do what I always do. Suck it up and move on. People are depending on her and she can’t afford to be selfish right now. Her mom likes to say, “If it’s meant to be, it will be.” So, she’s just going to have faith. Patience yields focus. Shiro. Don’t be a caveman. Matt, which is not real advice but he always says it to me and it makes me smile. Which she does while taking a deep breath. 

Ultimately, she refocuses on the Blades and her team: answering questions, clarifying points that may have gotten lost in translation and coming up with a few contingency plans. Acting patient. Finally they are done and Pidge starts to pack up. Krolia suddenly appears on her left and asks for a dobash of her time. She freezes and seeing no alternative reluctantly agrees. 

They move to the north corner of the room and Krolia asks her how she is feeling. She looks so concerned, Pidge feels bad for not finding the time to talk to her before now. So instead she explains in detail (and with much rambling) what happened, trying only to relate the facts. Obviously she doesn’t want Krolia to know how her son broke her heart. She has her pride! Sometimes it’s all she has. After a while she tries to wrap it up claiming fatigue. But unfortunately Krolia won’t be put off. She explains what she saw and how sad and frustrated Keith was when he could not contact her and reiterates his hope of a future for them. Pidge knows his mom is trying to help but it is just making her more confused. 

(Sigh)

Then Krolia relates her theory that Acxa was part of this effort of sabotage. Pidge immediately disagrees. She knows that Acxa has feelings for Keith and could see why Krolia may have jumped to that conclusion. But there is no proof and Pidge does not want to start pulling on that thread. It would be all to easy for her jealousy to find an outlet and she does not want to fall into that trap. She is not going to act like an insecure teenager (even if she is one!). Once all the data comes in, well that’s when she will make a judgement. Krolia nods and accepts Pidge’s answer. 

Krolia mentions that she can give her a ride home if she doesn’t think her dad is going home. As she is tired, just a little sore, and sad, she agrees. 

Pidge starts packing up her stuff and goes to tell her dad not to rush, that Krolia can give her a ride home. At this point, she notices Lance and Hunk hovering around probably worrying about her. Lance asks if she wants to hang out. Pausing, Pidge internally debates, on one had she does, just to stay busy and to not think. But realistically she knows she’s tired and needs to take it easy a day. The old Pidge would have said yes, just to avoid her own thoughts. But now, she knows that this is not the best choice and depending on how the trap goes, this may be her last time to take it easy for a while. She shakes her head no and mentions that Krolia is giving her a ride home—to her parents. Both of them acknowledged that tidbit and let her know they will be by later. Hugs and kisses were exchanged and Lance leans down to say, “Rest up Pidgie!! We will bring some treats to you! You did good here!”

Krolia and her walk into the hallway and start off. Keith starts when she comes out and says, “Is the meeting officially over?” Krolia replies in the affirmative and Pidge cannot help but give an awkward half hearted wave. He takes a step towards her and asks if she needs a ride but she quickly says no and makes to leave. Krolia stays for a minute talking to Keith but reaches her by the elevator. 

The ride home is quiet but for some oldies playing on the radio. She automatically takes her bags and walks her up the path to her parents house. Her mom opens the door before they can even ring the bell. 

“Katie, how did things go? What happened? Oh, hey, Krolia, want some lemonade? Freshly made!” 

Krolia replies in the affirmative and that’s how they all ended up in her family’s kitchen, drinking lemonade and eating peanut butter cookies. The meeting is rehashed and analyzed. Pidge sees her mom arches a brow to Krolia, silently questioning what else happened. Then Krolia side eyes Colleen and that’s when her mom abruptly informs Pidge she needs to wash up and let Matt know dinner is in an hour. Knowing better than to argue, she just nods and leaves. At this point, Pidge doesn’t even care that the moms are going to talk about her and Keith. Good luck to them trying to figure it out! Maybe if they do they could let her in on what she’s supposed to be doing. 

As Pidge climbs the stairs, she wonders why Matt was not there at the meeting but ultimately guesses he’s mostly considered Earth/Garrison or even too busy. With her out, most research and development has been allocated to Matt and now he’s collaborating on her queued projects so she knows he’s busy. Maybe she can get him to hand off something to her to work on!! Just to take her mind off things.

***********************************************************************************

Alone at last, Krolia fills Colleen in. This is a new experience for both of them. Neither is really comfortable sharing their burdens-Krolia has been alone for so long and Colleen has had to be strong by herself when she found herself alone. So while both of them have had very different lives, both moms are strong and protective of their independent and stubborn offspring. So while previously they stayed out of their kids relationship both were not about to sit around and watch a disaster happen. 

Not to mention neither was going to let someone mess with their kids, paladins or not. Which is why after Krolia talked to Keith she immediately went to the Holts to gather more intel. While the conversation was a little stilted at first, both ladies are fierce women who decided that they are great allies. Hence the unexpected friendship. Krolia details her concerns as well as conversations overheard and Colleen relates what she thinks is going on between their kids. Krolia also told Colleen some of what she observed between the two and her own impressions. Colleen decided to relate Sam’s talk with Keith. 

Krolia said, “Honestly, I have to say you have raised a honorable and rational daughter. She is offering Keith an opportunity to redeem himself and I must say that I am dismayed that he chose to engage with Acxa. Honestly, how hard is it for him to say no?”

Colleen laughs, “You must have forgotten how contrary human men can be!!” 

As they continue to chat they come up with their own plan of action and tacitly agree to help their children maneuver this minefield they found themselves in. 

Colleen gets quiet and finally says, “I believe that Keith is her first real love and possibly her lifelong love, beyond the simple crushes of childhood. And while I could never have imagined her life’s journey, I am so proud of her. But love can be hard when you have no reference. No history or past experience to compare it to. And while I may not have chosen her to find her love while still so young, it is what it is. So I want her to have the opportunity to explore this without outside forces at hand. Maybe my husband and son think I should stay out of it and maybe they are right. I don’t know. But I can’t. More, I won’t. This is my baby. And she deserves to be happy and loved. And while James is a good man she doesn’t light up for him. He doesn’t interrupt her work. So while I believe that if Keith was not in the picture, something could have grown there between them, it’s not going to happen now.”

Krolia nods, “I understand. In my world, love is not something we strive for. Wars are not fought for it. Power, duty and family are strong ties. But once I met Keith’s dad here on Earth something happened that I was not prepared for. Suddenly, they came first. It took Keith a while to get there because his father and I were not there for him. No matter the reasons, his life changed due to decisions we made. And while I wish things were different I stand by those decisions. And I expect Keith to stand by his. But when those decisions are stolen from him, I agree I won’t stand by. Keith loves her and it just took him a little longer to realize it.”

Both women look at each other and nod slowly. They were both on the same page. So if Krolia suddenly realizes her car has no gas and needs to call Keith for a ride…well…who’s to question her!


	14. The talk and letdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is honest with Acxa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I should be finishing this soon! Hope you like, please comment :)

Keith watches his mom and Pidge leave. He fights the urge to grab Pidge and demand that she wait for him or that she allow him to take her home. He knows he gained ground today, he couldn’t lose now. He knows she thinks she needs some space but huh??? Wait, MATES>>>. He retunes in to Acxa describing why they should be mates and comparability. 

He takes a deep breath and decides to be honest. “Look Acxa, I think you are a great person. And don’t get me wrong, we work well together. I admire your strength and we balance each other out. But Pidge, well, she has my heart and I don’t plan on letting her give it back. I think you need to re-evaluate and find someone else.” He holds his breath, closely observing her reaction. He knows his mom thinks she could be the inside person so he’s going to see if he can see any clues of subterfuge. 

She quickly shakes her head in the negative and replies, “You cannot be sure of that. We have many similarities and this can work. Balance is key. We have found each other time and time again, and we compliment each other. Just give it a try.”

Keith again sighs, “I know you mean well, but you cannot make me feel something that isn’t there. There’s more to a relationship than working well together. I work well with many, no well, some people. Anyways, simply put I love Pidge. And I cannot turn it off. She”

Acxa cuts me off, “No, I spoke to your paladin and she has agreed to my terms.”

“NO!” I interject, “That’s not how this works. I can’t just turn it off! And maybe she has agreed to the terms, I never did!!!! So while I understand where you are coming from I don’t agree!!! We don’t relax together, laugh or have fun. WE don’t fight.”

“Fight? Why would we fight? Mates do not fight.”

“Um, yes they do. Or well, human mates, um partners do.” Keith awkwardly replies. 

Keith stands still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But Acxa takes a breath and asks, “Why her?”

Keith freezes. And tries to think how to say this without being mean or too blunt. “Gawd, I don’t know, I cannot give you just one reason why. Instead, there is a lot of little strings that need to come together. And with Katie, they just do. I’m sorry. I really like you. And I want to remain friends. But never more than that.”

Acxa nods slowly. “What if you two do not work out? What if she picks the other male as her mate? Will you reconsider?”

Keith’s heart stutters to think she might eventually choose Griffin. He quickly shakes his head, and he pauses to think, “No, even then we cannot be. Acxa, don’t you want to laugh and be silly? Let your guard down? You’ve seen Zethrid and Ezor, it’s more than just balance. We don’t have that. But you could have it with someone else. Just stop thinking I’m it! Shit, I’ve seen you and Veronica. It’s not entirely comfortable yet it is. Love is really just a bunch of paradoxes. I want you to find it too. If we were together, it just wouldn’t work out. Neither of us would truly be happy.”

I hold my breathe waiting to see if she understands. Please. I can see Lance and Hunk in my peripheral, hovering. Hunk holding Lance back. I want to go and talk to them about their take but I know I need to finish this. I need her to be okay with my decision. 

Acxa looks perplexed and she finally says, “I understand. I am sorry for confusing the issue….Good luck. I hope you get what you need.”

I nod and say thanks. But I cannot help but wonder, “Hey, who do you think was interfering? You have good instincts and I trust you.”

She smiles at that, “Thanks. Since you are Krolia’s long lost son, there was a lot of interest in you. I know many Galra asked about you. I am also not the only one interested in a partnership with you. So I guess anyone of them could feasibly be a spy. But you need to look for someone with access to Blade controls and that is good with tech. Sorry.”

I nod and thank her. Then I walk back towards my team. It’s weird how you suddenly realize how much they mean to you and are in your corner. Actively. When I reach them, Hunk and Lance start pointing out my mistake in talking to Acxa alone. While I know that I probably lost some ground with Pidge today, I also know that I eliminated one of my obstacles. Maybe it’s time to talk to Griffin one to one.


	15. Guy Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends help

Hunk suggests getting a bite to eat at their favorite diner so we can regroup and strategize. Seated around the beat up table, eating greasy burgers and fries, Keith realizes he’s never had this before. Sure Shiro became a role model to him and they were friends, but it was still different. It was like Shiro became his big brother versus friend or equal. And he never made friends at school or even when he was at the Garrison. He did his own thing and no one ever tried to push down his walls. In fact, he’s sure Hunk would like to see Shay and Lance always has family stuff but here they are, sitting around and helping him straighten out his life. 

Suddenly he says, “Guys, thanks.”

Both looked at him and Lance with an eyebrow arched says, “Go on.” 

Keith huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. “Shit, I dunno. I just never had anyone to depend on before, so thanks. It was different in space, like we had to trust each other. It was just us up there. But we’re back on Earth now and you guys have family and friends…you don’t need me.”

Hunk interrupts here, “Hey buddy, I know we all grew up differently and you didn’t have much family. But you got us now, whether you like it or not! So while I appreciate your thanks, it’s not necessary. And I can’t help but think you need to realize and really understand-you have us and you’re not getting rid of us. So talk to us, fight with us, laugh with us just no more lone wolfing it!”

Lance dips his fry in Hunks milkshake and picks up, “Yeah, I’m just messing with you. If there’s one thing you should know about family, you can’t get rid of us no matter how much you try! Now let’s plan out what you want to get across to James. You need a game plan…maybe Hunk and I should come with, you don’t want to go and punch him or anything. That definitely won’t win Pidge over!”

Hunk nods at the last part and I sigh. 

“I know I can’t hit him.” I start to drag a fry through the ketchup, debating if I should ask the question that has been on my mind since all this started. “Ok, here it is, what’s your take on how Pidge feels? Has she said anything? Because I love her and I want forever.”

Lance and Hunk share a look and then Lance lets out a whoop!! Both give their perspectives about the situation. Hunk strongly believes that Pidge is not in love with James. He was there and slid into Pidge’s life. Lance agrees but counters with Pidge’s hurt feelings being the most important issue. I nod, feeling the weight of my decisions. 

Hunk orders dessert and after much debate Keith feels like he is ready for a conversation with Griffin. They start out heading to the Garrison when they run into Shiro who is told of their plan and instantly disagrees. They end up arguing about confronting Griffin and instead just focusing on Pidge. Keith is getting more and more aggravated and impulsively states, “I thought you were on my side!”

Shiro replies, “Always, but that doesn’t mean that I agree with everything that you do! God knows I disagree a lot of the time.” 

Keith is annoyed Shiro isn’t on his side on this. Lance is busy trying to convince Shiro that they have a good plan and Hunk was adding to the points. So when Keith’s phone rings he happily answers. Everyone gets quiet hoping to eavesdrop on the conversation. After a few agreements he hangs up and turns to the group with a smile. 

“Shiro looks like fate is on your side. My mom’s car is out of gas and she needs me to come and get her from the Holts. I’m going to leave now and see if I can talk to Pidge. Wish me luck!!”


	16. Chapter 16-Siblings talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge is feeling overwhelmed and Matt talks to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, sorry for the delay, I had a bunch of ideas and got distracted from my story. Hopefully I will update regularly. Hope you enjoy and please drop a note or comment!!!

Pidge showered, changed and was done a while ago. She knew she could go down and talk to her mom and Krolia but ultimately decided to simply lay on her bed and just try and sort out her weird life. James texted her while she was in the shower and was asking her how she was and when they could talk. But, back when her and Keith got together it seemed like it was meant to be. The transition from friends to girlfriend/boyfriend, simply just worked. But maybe that was just on her end? Obviously Keith had some issues so if that wasn’t what it seemed, what else isn’t? Could she really even trust her judgement? She really felt lost right now and every time she thought she made a decision something changed her mind. Finally giving in to her emotions, she let herself cry. 

 

Pidge moans, and rolls over, pulling the blankets tighter. Maybe her mom will think she’s sleeping. She hears the door creak open and feels a weight by her legs and reluctantly looks over, Matt. She half heartedly smiles and says, “Hey”.

Matt scoots her over and lays next to her. “What’s up Pidge? I heard you and lover boy are talking again.”

She groans, “Yeah so? I heard all the boys were drinking together.”

“Okay, soooooo, what is the deal? You forgive and forget yet?” 

“Ugh, I dunno. I mean, I’ve kinda HAVE liked Keith for ages. But I figured it was a just a hopeless crush and nothing would ever come of it. You know, just like liking a movie star. It’s nice but you know nothing is ever going to come of it, so it’s nice and safe. I swear it was like just a truth, we were friends, full stop.”

“Except he must of liked you back. So what happened?”

I smile, getting comfy, reminiscing, “He was supposed to crash at Lance’s but Lance had ‘company’. Of course Lance said he could stay but, you know Keith, it just made him uncomfortable. So he grabbed his bag and walked over to my place. Of course, he just knew I’d be home and alone. But, really, I had just gotten back from one of the many crappy blind dates mom set me up on, so I was all dressed up. I had on this cute mint green halter dress, makeup on, (shut up Matt) and I even wore flats versus Converse. When I opened the door, I actually thought it was him. So, , I opened the door and said ‘What the fuck! I told you, go home! I do NOT want you in my apartment, even vampires don’t come in if not invited! I’m telling my mom…’ then I noticed it was Keith frozen in the doorway and was like, ‘Um, hey?’”

Matt smirks, “So I am guessing Keith got an invite in.”

“Well duh. So he came in and then it was like, he really saw me. Like as a girl.” I can feel myself blushing, damn. 

Matt grins teasingly, “So you in a dress with hair curls and makeup made such a difference huh?? He had to be an idiot not to see you were growing up before that!”

“It’s not like that Matt. I think… we kinda WERE circling around each other. I mean, on Atlas we were kept eating lunch together, planning missions and playing with Cosmo and Bae Bae. We hung out a lot! It was like we kept pulling each other in. But that night changed something between us. He got all red and then it was like what I said sunk in. He wanted to know who was bothering me, ya know. I told him it was just a guy from the Garrison that I went out with and he kinda looked shocked. I got annoyed, and said something like, yeah guys like me, but he said he could imagine. Then he grabbed my hand and …”

“God, please spare me the tawdry details!”

I hit Matt, “Gross, first of all, why would you assume I’d tell you details?!? Secondly it wasn’t like that. It’s more like we just realized we both saw a little more of the other than before. And it was a mutual liking. It was like when you are working on a program and not getting anywhere, and you contemplate giving up but then suddenly it all clicks!”

I close my eyes now because I feel Iike I want to cry. Shit. Not again. I don’t cry, especially not this much, after all it solves nothing. Then Matt grabs me and holds me and I just end up crying in his shirt. I literally feel like I’m ten again. After a while, I finally pull myself together. “Anyways, after that night we started to…date. After a week, I asked him, what we were doing. And he said, so calm like with a stupidly confused look on his face, I thought we were dating.”

“What a Casanova.”

I hit Matt again. “Whatever, the point is we really only dated a month exclusively. I must have scared him. You know how he is, so he did what he does best. He left on a mission. I felt hurt cuz he never talked about the situation before with me. But let’s face it, I trusted him, so I backed his plan. I just hated his lack of communication. But I thought I understood it.” 

I pause, trying to articulate my thoughts and feelings, which is not always easy for me. Fortunately this was Matt and he knew to be quiet and let me work it out. “But all that shit happened and then Lance was including me in with his time with Veronica. Annnddd, then James started to pay attention to me. He can be pretty focused on his goal…he’s actually pretty similar to Keith but yet not.”

“Okay, so there’s no law saying you did anything wrong. You know that right??”

“Yeah, but I still feel weird. Especially with Keith saying he never strayed. I kissed James. Or well more precisely, James kissed me. But I let him. And I liked it. And he truly wants to be with me. Then Keith is back. And NOW he is saying he loves (breath catching) me. So what do I do? I’m not some female fatale. I don’t juggle guys. Matt, what do I do?” Not gonna lie I’m wailing now.

“Pidge, I wish I could waive a magic wand and sort this out for you but I can’t, I can’t tell you what to do. But you know. Who do you want? Honestly neither is good enough for you but, if you had to choose. Who would it be?”

I sigh, in my deepest heart, I still want Keith. But I hate looking stupid and that’s what I would look like. I tell Matt this and he replies, “Pidge, you are far from stupid. Really far. But you need to consider, carefully. I like both of them, honestly, and while only you can make the choice, I need you to know, I support anything you decide. But secondly, you have to be honest with yourself. Don’t pick someone cuz it’s the easy choice to make. You know that it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks, just you. And you are not afraid of making the hard choices!!”

“I know. I just want to be sure.”

“Yeah I get it. Look, mom invited Krolia over for dinner and it’s almost time to head down. Why don’t you take five and then come on down. And just remember, no matter what happens, I got you.”

I smile, “I know Matt. Thanks, sometimes, I wonder why we keep ya around, but then stuff like this happens, and I remember.”

Matt laughs, a big belly laugh, “Pidge, whatever do you mean!! I was lost and you freaking went out into space to get me back!!”

I smile and nod. Then he hugs me, like a real tight and safe, hug. Seriously the best brother!


End file.
